There was a Believer in Utah named Paula Glenn...
Day 730. September 19, 2016
Narrative by Marie Cannon
I believe there are certain prayers, certain attitudes in the Bible that if you take them seriously, God is very faithful to take you up on your offer. I call them the “scary prayers,†in jest, because you say it and God says, “OK, let’s do this.†Every time it has been very painful, but God has faithfully “shown me†or said, “OK let’s go,†or said “OK ready to lay down your life to take Mine?â€
I come to Him saying I’m willing, He’s always taken me up on it. If you’ve never prayed one of the scary prayers, or gone before God with a humble heart and told Him that you want everything else to be as if it were worthless compared to having Him, I strongly encourage it. You will not be disappointed. Although it may sting a little at first.
Paula had ventured out in faith with the Scary Prayers long before her cancer diagnosis and recognized the value of that investment she’d made in her relationship with God.
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?†And I said, “Here am I. Send me!†Isaiah 6:8
These are the key verses used as the basis of the Scary Prayers…
Isaiah 6:8
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?â€
And I said, “Here am I. Send me!â€
Luke 9:23-25
Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?â€
Philippians 3:8-11
What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.
I am grateful that I live what I speak regarding getting to know and understand God in the calm times so that when the trials come you don’t have to be sorting out who He is in the middle of the storm. I have been able to recall and cling to the truths I know about this amazing God that I have come to know over the last 15+ years.
How can it be that every single thing I pray for seems to be answered directly and obviously? How can my God be so merciful and lavish toward me? I’ve recently journaled about how I don’t usually feel that God answers my prayers in a way I can see it, although I know in truth He does. So even in my sin, my unbelief and unfaithfulness, God has shown himself so magnificently in this situation (cancer diagnosis) that I find myself in awe at His mercy and love.
Abba Father - I humbly come before You with a full heart of gratitude and love.
Abba Father –
I humbly come before You with a full heart of gratitude and love. Thank You for considering to look upon me and to allow me to be used for Your purpose. Thank You for walking with me, carrying me, growing me, disciplining me, forgiving me and loving me. It is my honor to serve You. Thank You for being worthy of all praise, trustworthy, true and good, all the time. Dear Lord, thank You for every single wonderful thing You have done for me, in me and through me. Thank You also for this opportunity to suffer, as it has caused me to remember my prayer to always be in a place where I am completely dependent upon You. Thank You for being in every detail of this, taking away every worry that could, and has, distracted me from You. Thank You for how You’ve even been so sweet as to weave verses into my day that are common to what others are praying, that show up in devotionals, etc. To me that’s just another example of Your mercy. God, please continue to hear my prayers and praises. To the only One Worthy. Amen.
Do you know Paula's Jesus?
Her heart’s desire was that you would consider Him, or consider deepening your relationship with Him.
Day 365. September 19, 2015
Narrative by Marie Cannon
It has been a year since I had the privilege of witnessing the sacred moment when Paula stepped from the surroundings of the family she loved with all her heart into the eternal arms of the One she adored and whose Name she proclaimed until her last breath. Reflecting back, I want to share some thoughts, but I mainly want to allow Paula to speak for herself.
In the days before we knew exactly what we were dealing with, but knowing there was something terribly wrong, Paula pondered her own mortality.
Will my grandkids and great-grandkids know me? What will they know about me? Will they know my heart for Jesus? Will they know I loved to garden? Will they know I loved hip hop music and can sing the whole song Rapper’s Delight?
[ Rapper’s Delight by The Sugar Hill Gang ]
Seriously, though, what will my legacy be? Here’s why I struggle with the whole idea of legacy. I want people to know me, know my heart, know the things that I’m passionate about. When I first became a Christian, one of the most freeing things for me was finally being known for who I am. After a life of trying to live up to others’ expectations of me (my own being the worst), and trying to please others while protecting myself, always protecting myself so I wouldn’t get hurt, being really known was an amazing feeling. People knew how crazy I was, they knew of the terrible things I’d done in my life, and LOVED me anyway. What a gift. I had never really experienced that in my life, but that is the kind of love you are able to give to others – and receive – when your love comes from Love Himself.
So now I find myself in another irony. I am resting in the obscurity of God being in total, complete control of what is happening to me, while at the same time, finding that I have a fantastic opportunity to share how great God is to an audience that is listening and watching. I get to be weak and ordinary and no-one, while God chooses to use me to show His amazing Glory. I am in awe and on my face in humility.
Job 42:5 is my verse for this journey:
My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.
My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Job:42:5
Then this was written shortly after the original cancer diagnosis.
It’s so strange to see how my life has completely changed in a week and a half. Not just the fact that we know about the cancer. More importantly, I recall feeling so distant from God recently. I think most of it had to do with the fact I was so exhausted and felt terrible. I had no peace, no rest. I was almost feeling hopeless in the situation, not seeing how it would be resolved. But now, even with this terrible life changing and threatening news, God is so near to me that I often feel as though I can feel His arms around me. I am experiencing His rest like never before, and His Word is like food for me, filling me and strengthening me. His hands and feet are surrounding me everywhere I turn, in His people – praying, serving, loving us. I would never wish this cancer on anyone, but this amazing closeness with God right now almost makes me feel like the lucky one.
In that closeness with God, Paula continually expressed her gratitude.
God graced me with another day. I know the very breath I take is a gift from Him.
Each day brings another opportunity to see how God is stirring people’s hearts toward Himself.
If God is glorified through my suffering, what better purpose could there be? I pray God will continue to give me His words, not mine, to share and encourage and point people toward Him.
God has been abundantly faithful to me and my family through this trial. He has shown his goodness in ways too numerous to count. He has drawn people closer to himself, and He has been glorified through it all. Although this is by far the most difficult, scary, painful thing I have gone through, He has shown Himself more gracious and merciful than I could have ever understood before. For that I am eternally grateful. I pray every day fervently for my healing, but that God’s will be done. I trust Him, but Lord help me in my unbelief.
My God, who is able to save will rescue me, but even if He doesn’t, He is still God, on His throne, in control. That’s my life application translation of Daniel Chapter 3.
My God, who is able to save will rescue me, but even if He doesn’t, He is still God, on His throne, in control.
As the cancer treatment progressed, results were not as anticipated and the protocol was no longer as simple. Still Paula kept her eyes on Jesus, looking to point people toward Him.
Things are different, great. I feel such hope and anticipation of my future. God please guide me so that I use this experience for your glory. I don’t know yet what that looks like, but I know God will make it clear. I came across a verse yesterday that really struck me. Acts 9:10 – “Now there was a believer in Damascus named Ananias.†That’s it, but it struck me and made me emotional as I reread it. I want to be known like that in God’s book of Life. “There was a believer in Utah named Paula Glenn.†I want my life to be all about Him, that is how I am known, as a believer of Jesus Christ. And I pray that is said about my children and grandchildren. Father, may our very breath honor you.
Thank You for continuing to use my journey to show Yourself to others. May they continue to see Your goodness and faithfulness in what You are doing in my life. Thank You that every time I start to get discouraged and wonder what the purpose is, You show me. Please continue to give me peace and hope and strengthen my faith every day.
In the final days her focus and faith did not waiver. Paula consistently communicated her love for God and her love for others.
God can clearly stand up for Himself. I don’t need to be His spokesperson, but it sure has been a fun gig! God is totally sufficient and trustworthy. My prayer would be if anything I ever wrote about drew you to Him – compelled you to think about Him – you would consider Him, consider really trusting Him and getting to know Him the way I do. He alone is completely trustworthy!
Do you know Paula's Jesus?
Paula lived her faith out loud for the entire world to see and hear. The groundwork of Paula’s faith, her relationship with Jesus, was built in the years before the cancer diagnosis. It was a piece of advice she gave often to many.
When life is going well and things are going smoothly, that is the time to spend in Bible study. Get to know God’s Word. Learn who He is. Learn who you are as a child of God. Get to know God’s promises. Get to know God’s character. Then when the tough times hit – and we know they will – you have that foundation set.
During the days of the original diagnosis, when confidence of a cure was high, Paula and I were looking back attempting to analyze when that beast of a tumor began growing in her chest. Our best guess was two years beforehand. In assembling Paula’s story, my attention has centered on the immediate timeframe surrounding the cancer; but recently I went farther back in her journals, and I found this entry dated almost EXACTLY two years prior to the original cancer diagnosis…
What am I about… Who am I?
What gets me stirred up?
I want to come before the Lord and say, “Whatever You want, I will do.†That scares me, but I believe that is my ‘radical.’ I want to believe God’s Word so completely that I’ll actually live like I believe it. Why?? Because He’s worth it.
Hebrews 11:39 “…yet none of them received all that God has promised.â€
The fruit of our lives may possibly not be seen during our lives. God’s plan for His creation is so much bigger than anything we could imagine. I am grateful that He would even consider to allow me to be a part of it in some minute way.
And that leaves me to ask once again…
Do you know Paula's Jesus?
Do you know the Jesus of the Bible? Have you experienced the complete sufficiency and trustworthiness of Love Himself? Along with Paula, my prayer would be that you consider Him, or consider deepening your relationship with Him.
While by no means perfect, Paula lived out her ‘radical’ and was a pure reflection of the glory of God’s story as it played out in her life. Now it’s your turn. We’d love to hear how Paula and/or her story impacted your life. Share with us here…
Copyright Marie Cannon – All Rights Reserved.